evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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