Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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