I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
