dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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