Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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