If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
