There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I touched a dick in church today
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
