2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
