I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize