The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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