you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
