I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
