did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize