i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
