smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
