Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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