aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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