from now on my penis is your penis
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize