booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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