Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
