my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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