If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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