You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
