can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
