theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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