the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
