i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
