You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
