But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
