Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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