Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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