don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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