butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
