I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
