so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
