Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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