I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
