I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
