Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He did a backflip because drugs
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
