who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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