sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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