I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My vagina is officially offended.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
