I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
