Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
