hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
wow bdsm is so cute
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