I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
