i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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