Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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