if you like me you must not know who I am
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Randomize
