Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
