anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
