I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
