were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
