its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
