Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
