he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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