omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Mom said you looked used
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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