I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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