I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
