Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
