The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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