If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
