you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Boobs speak an international language.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
