i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
