He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
