i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Randomize
