why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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