Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize