if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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