im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
